A little more freedom
Vic took me to the Como Park Conservatory in St. Paul on Sunday, 1-7-2023. It was so beautiful! And I walked the furthest I have since my donation
I’ve cried a lot since I last wrote, and things have also shifted and I’m feeling hope.
First, emotions: as with previously, this process has touched something deep within me. I cried on several occasions with friends, and was glad for the release. I’ve processed so much grief.
I think the catharsis of grief was good preparation for today, as was watching videos on self-catherization and meditation.
I learned there are several advantages of self-catherization over having an ongoing (Foley) catheter put back in:
It reduces the odds of infection
If my urinary problems clear up, I’ll know, and be able to urinate without using a catheter immediately
It could be more comfortable because I control it and can see how the catheter feels as I put it up my penis
Self catherization is less irritating to the urinary system and may be more conducive to urinary healing
It facilitates more mobility.
So self-catherization is the clear choice if I am able to.
I had my appointment with the surgeon, and he said my incision is healing well. He pressed against my abdomen, which frightened me, but it didn't hurt at all! Maybe I am ready to hug? I’ll try and see what happens! The surgeon didn't have much to add about my urinary issues beyond what the urology folks said (see next).
I went to the urology nurse. After urinating, she measured my retention and it was a little above 300 ml. She said my bladder urine retention would have to be below 200 ml for her to be comfortable with no kind of catheter.
So I steeled myself up for it and self catheterized at the clinic. I wanted to be sure I could do it at home if needed. My stress was high before self-catheterizing, but not as high as I thought it would be. It went fine. It burned a little, but my urinary tract is irritated and it actually burned less than when I urinate! I am not sure how much I will need to self catheterize going forward. I will do it based on need.
If the urinary problems go away on their own, there is nothing I need to do. If they continue and I have to self catheterize sometimes, then I have the urodynamic procedure in a month to get a clearer understanding of the problem. If they get worse in the short term then I will ask the nurse.
I knew that I would have more freedom with removing the Foley catheter, but I didn’t know how much since my mobility is also restricted by my incision healing. And now that I have left the clinic, I can feel that my mobility has significantly increased. I still can’t walk far or be very active, but it is nice to be able to move my body and also to have freedom with my penis.
As always, thanks so much for your support, words, visits, food, cards, and care. I feel it and have so much gratitude for you. Many folks have sent postal mail to me, and I haven’t responded directly to you. Know that I hear your words and appreciate your support!
Update 24 hours later, after getting the catheter removed:
Last night was rough. I was unable to urinate significantly so I self catheterized. It went ok. I feel a burning sensation during and for about 15 minutes afterwards. I went to bed but didn't fall asleep until a few hours later. I think I was just too worked up. And the rest of the night was back and forth with hunger, concern about urination, self-catheterizing again, not sleeping much, and wearing a diaper in case of an accident. Also, I feel a burning sensation when I attempt to urinate. I tried urinating while in the shower, and that didn't help. I want to try the tricks folks suggest to help me urinate, but so far they don't seem to have an impact.
So it’s challenging, and for now it’s a wait and see game, and hope things improve.